FTB

 

Glentoran Jokes Page

 

Glen Ferguson walks into a sperm donor bank,
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"yes" replies Glen "You should have my details on your computer".
"oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you are going to need help. Shall I call you wife for you?"
"why do I need help?" asks Glen. The receptionist replies
"Well Glen, it says  on your record your a useless w**ker....
 
 
How can you tell ET is a Linfield fan?
Because he looks like one.
 
 
Whats the difference between a Linfield fan and a broken clock?
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
 
 
Whats the difference between a blueman and a bucket of crap?
The bucket.
 
 
What do you call a blueman in Europe after July?
A tourist...
 
British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Larne FC.
The company think they are a suitable team because of their regular points
failures.


Name 3 clubs that names contain swear words?
Arsenal, Scunthorpe and fu***ng Linfield


A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with
them anymore.
Thehonoured judge said to him "So why do you not want to live with your dad?
"Because he beats me said the little boy.
"why do you not want to live with you mum then?" asked the judge.
"because she beats me aswell".
"oh" said the judge "well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied "I would like to live with Linfield FC because they
dont seem to beat anyone!!"


How do you make an Ards fan run?
Build a job centre


Apparantly, Cursaders Foolball Club is under investigation by the inland
Revenue for tax evasion
they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years.

 

Big Daisy returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, he asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, he goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, his wife agrees, and they do it again.Later, as Daisy gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.Daist, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point his wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"